Today is the anniversary of my wedding to John Andres Adams. Wow. We have raised 4 children together, 3 of whom were in the wedding at ages 4, 8 and 12! They are all adults now doing their thing as entrepreneurs, artists, co-parents and business partners. I am offering all 4 of them and all of you reading this some of my quick reflections on what makes a marriage last (through parenting style differences, financial realities, charming distractions and all kinds of decisions from wills to where to go for dinner). I kept it down to 7, one of my favorite numbers.
[Pictured: John’s best buddy from high school years in Texas. His friend Rodney is singing ‘A Song for You’ in this moment. He sang it again at the 20th ceremony.]
1. Stay true to who you are. Stay true to a way to connect with your spiritual self. Hopefully together but even apart is better than not at all.
2. Know where you are willing to compromise and where you’re not.
3. Listen and then listen some more.
4. Ask for what you need.
Funny story: John is an only child, introvert and rides solo in many ways. So in the early years, he told me he treasured silence and after work he doesn’t always wanna talk or listen. So he came up with this phrase – a code word of sorts – ‘Word count’. He could just say it and I knew what he meant. And he always said it with love and respect. Now I do the same. Except I just say, ‘That’s enough work talk – or talking period – for now.’ I even ask him to turn off the hip-hop when I’m reading a novel. Ah, the little things.
5. Learn from your mistakes.
6. Talk about parenting openly and honestly (including your experiences being parented) and consider family therapy.
7. Do things together and do things apart.
Reflection is healing and the lessons gained are golden. #itsouranniversary#folamionfamily
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